Horrible Covid habits

I have fallen back into some wretched habits.

Here is a list of pre-Covid habits:

• Do not bring laptop into bed
• Read a paperback book before bed
• Take a walk around the office building every day
• Join garden club at work and go every Tuesday
• Do not use Facebook at all
• Do not use Twitter at all
• Reddit use must be kept to a minimum (check it on weekends)
• Shop at the thrift store for books, shirts, kitchen stuff, etc (I still felt weird buying used pants….)

Was I strict on myself? Nah. I just set up some rules for myself to follow based on my past behavior. I wanted to optimize my life, so I booted certain things from my orbit. Sometimes I failed. Obviously rules are bent at times. I considered myself a ‘success’ if I followed these rules 80% of the time.

Post covid? Oh dear.

Here is a list of post covid habits:

 

• Laptop now comes into bed. The antics of the Cheers gang on Netflix lull my  pandemic-weary mind to sleep.
• Paperback book? For months, the library was closed and I read books on an Ipad. My eyes are still burning from the hours of staring at a brightly lit screen at night. My melatonin is hesitant to return to normal. It thinks I am going to bust out the Ipad again. ‘You SWORE you wouldn’t stare at screens before bed, you SWORE!” Sorry, melatonin…
• Take a walk around the office building? What office building? The office has been closed since March!
• Alas, the garden club is on hiatus. We do not know when we will return to work. I really do miss the garden club most of all.
• Facebook has crept back into my life. I don’t USE it in the ‘traditional’ sense, but I have started checking local restaurants FB pages to check if they’re closed down forever due to Covid…And I’ve used it to check if the library will ever open again…And fun fun things like that!
• I’ve stayed off Twitter. I find it rather dull. Celebrities tweets don’t interest me. Usually I wind up loathing the celebrity after I read their tweets, and I don’t WANT to loathe some of my favorite actors and comedians. I chose to remain ignorant of their actual personality! LOL
• Reddit has set up shop in my internet house… I spend a lot of time on there now. The 2018 version of me would not be happy about that.
• The local thrift store was closed from March-last week, so no, I hadn’t done any thrift shopping. In fact I’ve barely purchased any new clothes so far. I’m just wearing all of the same clothes from last summer. ha.

 

Anyway, I have missed writing. This blog  needs some freshening up. Bye for now, zero readers

julie ‘old enough to remember Napster’ Lastnamewithheld

 

 

 

Why do you disappear..

I hate when WordPress writers disappear.

Where did you go?

Are you lurking?

Are you coming back?

Who were you really?

Does it matter?

I miss your blog. I miss your writing style. I miss loading up my WordPress feed and scrolling for your posts. The choice is endless today. Endless TV shows. Endless blogs. Endless Instagram hashtags to flick through. Endless weird-ass Kid Youtube shows of kids opening up toys and receiving 500000000 dollars per week in Youtube revenue..

Endless choices, and yet, I always looked for YOUR blog.

But now you’re gone. I don’t know if you’ll be back.

And now I’m back to the world of the endless.

I don’t like this blog name anymore.

I used to like my blog name.

Elderly millenial. HA! So funny. I’m a millenial, but I’m OLD. I mean, I remember dial-up! How can I be a millenial!?

But the joke has worn off. I need a new blog name.

Back in the early internet.com days, I used the name Fuzzbucket1. Or Expressionhorse. But I’m an old millenial now! I’m sophisticated and worldly! I need a sophisticated, worldly blog name!

Or do I?

Is the return of Fuzzbucket1 upon …..my blog?

 

We’ll see.

Streaming anxiety

I have streaming content anxiety.

How do I pick? How do I choose? What should I WATCH?

The Roku screen lights up. My eyes dart from app to app.

Netflix?

Hulu?

Amazon?

Vudu? What even IS that?

The Roku CHANNEL? There’s a CHANNEL?!

When faced with too many choices, it is much easier to make no choice at all, or just pick the familiar choice.

Netflix, here I come.

Okay, why is a trailer already playing at the top of the screen?! I didn’t CLICK anything! Ah, I better click away so the trailer stops! Okay, it stopped.

WAIT, now ANOTHER trailer is playing! Stop! Stop playing this trailer from some Netflix original! Another Netflix original! I can’t keep up! I can’t watch ALL of these movies and TV shows, can I?

Hmm, let me scroll down a bit. What are these categories? Netflix has created so many categories for me! Cerebral slapstick femme fatale movies? What? How did Netflix come up with that category? What kind of algorithm created that? eh, let me keep scrolling.

Oscar award winning movies based on true crime stories from the Northwest in the year 1971? That is VERY specific, Netflix. I dont even LIKE true crime, but I did talk about a true crime case in my house yesterday with my friend..

…Netflix, are you LISTENING to my conversations? UGH, of course. But it’s okay. You offer me such wonderful entertaining for so CHEAP! I can forgive you! what would I DO without you? How did I LIVE before you? Okay, keep scrolling.

Ah, good ol ‘Recommended for you’ category. Wait, why are you recommending more true crime, Netflix? I told you, I don’t like true crime. Do you even know me?

And what’s THIS category? It’s called Netflix Originals You Will Love.

Why are you pushing Netflix originals on me, and why do you think I’ll love them?

You know what, Netflix? Stop it. Just. Stop. You offer me nothing but endless options. I am, quite frankly, OVERWHELMED by you. Just back OFF, will you? WILL YOU? NO, stop playing that trailer! Stop it! Stop pressuring me to watch everything!

I’m out of here! I’m done with you, Netflix!

Vudu, here I come. I need a change, Vudu. I need a big change. Don’t disappoint me.

 

…Wait, you have ADS? UGH!….

I wonder if Netflix will take me back…

internet

 

I find the internet to be quite distracting. I’ll set down to write, and think, well, what’s going on with the news today?

click..boston.com!

huh, crazy news! Okay, back to writing..

write write write write- Wait a second. My brain wants to check out reddit! Just a quick peek!

Twenty minutes later..

Okay, back to writing! Wait, what was I writing about? My brain feels foggy now. Ugh! I need some music, I think. Pandora, here I come..

Which music station? Hm. What’s THIS station? No, no..how about this one? Ugh, forget it!

Netflix, are you beckoning? Shall I play a show in the background whilst writing? Sure, couldn’t hurt! Hmm. Wow, Netflix, you have SO many freakin’ originals now! Hm. I can’t decide! Too many choices! Ah, I’ll just watch The Office for the 10,000th time!

Wait, what was I writing? Eh. I’ll try tomorrow…

Maybe I should buy a typewriter. How can I be distracted then?

 

America 2040

Ariana  Hoffman is just a typical 25 year old trying to navigate life in the post-smart phone era.

She is embedded with a micro-spot.

 

 

Grandmotherly Wisdom: Do Not Ghost

 

The year is 2045, and finding romance is nearly impossible! When my peers, the Post-Post-millenials, hear me talkin’ about romance, they immediately Exit the Snapchat hologram, leaving me all alone. I sigh, alert Alexo to return me to Real Life, and open my eyes to my bland bedroom.

Grandma Jen says people used to decorate their bedrooms and homes before Micro-Spots replaced physical Cell Phones. How did people lunge around big ol cell phones all day long? Grandma Jen laughs at me when I look all bewildered and frightened at her stories of a pre-Microspot world.

‘We only existed in two realities, Ariana. We had REAL LIFE, and then we had the internet. But the internet was not the ‘internet’ you have today. We had to ‘log on’ and stare at a screen. We often sat in public, amongst others in REAL LIFE, while staring at our internet phones.’

Confusion crossed my face.

‘Grandma Jen, are you saying that people couldn’t enter into Google hologram worlds back then? What did they do for FUN?’

Grandma Jen thought deeply. What DID they do for fun?

‘Well, I believe we liked to buy stuff, and then take pictures of the stuff for our social media pages. As you know, Google Holograms did not exist yet, so we couldn’t simply upload our minds into magical worlds yet, dear. We had to ‘create’ the worlds on our internet phones.’

Ariana never tired of hearing her Grandma’s crazy stories about the past.  Her grandma was born in the 1980s into a world that was on the BRINK of the digital transformation. When Ariana was born in the year 2020, people still carried around Internet Phones. In fact, the trend at the time was to carry around very LARGE internet phones.

The trend soon shifted to having NO visible phone.

,

Freeform day 1

Every day, the thoughts rumble around in my head. I have been having trouble putting my thoughts (rumbles) to ‘written’ word. So, I will start free-forming. I’m just going to pontificate on a topic that happened to bounce around in my head on the particular day I have decided to type words onto a javascript-enabled web platform.

Today, a few rumblins’ rumbled in my head.

1. Drugs
2. Mugsy, my neighborhood dog from the 1990s.

Which topic seems more interesting to YOU, dear reader? If you even exist? Who is reading this?

Let’s talk about drugs. I have felt that we humans are not ‘allowed’ to ‘dive deep’ into our psyche unless we’re inebriated in some form. It feels socially acceptable to have ‘deep thoughts’ and ‘find the meaning of life’ if one’s brain is sufficiently pumped up with LSD or some equivalent mind-altering drug.  But if I felt I had some euphoric, mind-bending experience whilst entirely sober, you would likely raise an eyebrow. You might even raise someone else’s eyebrow, but ask permission first.

Why aren’t we allowed to have life-altering experiences when we are sober? Or…why don’t we allow ourselves to be in touch with our inner selves when we are sober?

I think we have been molded to conform. When we do drugs, we are allowed to temporarily break out of the conformity, and connect with ourselves. In every day life, you are expected to be sober. That is how we function. That is basically how we always functioned. I’m no historian, but I don’t know of any society that managed to outwit evolution whist completely stoned on some sort of drug…

I still feel we are not allowing ourselves to feel ‘connected’ to ourselves without the use of any drug.

I might just be nuts.

But if you really want to feel connected, you need to spend time with yourself. You have to drop the phone, and you have to lunge the ear phones and just BE with yourself. It’s spooky.

It’s been awhile since I’ve just let myself ‘be.’ One time, I walked around Boston by myself. It was a summer day. It was the first time in a long time that I spent time by myself. In a city, you can be surrounded by people and feel alone. But you can bypass that feeling by drowning out your thoughts with a cell phone or music in your ears. I just had myself. I felt a part of me change after that day. A shift in my head. Something changed about how I viewed myself. I let myself be alone with myself, and I was okay with myself.

Perhaps if I had dropped some acid, I would have been SUPER okay with myself.

A very serious question. Please answer

It is the dystopian future. The year is….2019. But it’s MARCH, so we’re really talkin’ future here. The world is in chaos. Life has been upturned. We no longer have free access to NETFLIX. Our TVs imploded. Our laptops were taken away.

‘You will NO LONGER have access to the endless OPTIONS of entertainment that you have today. You never appreciated it, anyway! Oh, you think we didn’t notice how you SCROLLED right over the brand new Netflix originals? Or how you GROANED at how there is nothing interesting to watch? Even your TORRENTING bored you! ohhh, this torrent site doesnt have the movie I WANT to illegal download! Oh boo hoo isn’t life so hard?!

We’ve HAD IT! Now, in the dystopian future of March 1, 2019, you get ONE choice for a TV show. ONE! That’s even fewer options than your grandma had in 1956! At least she got to watch Bonanza AND I’ve Got a Secret!

so, tell me, what is the ONE show you wish to watch….FOREVER?!

FOREVER.

When you turn on a show. That’s the show.

When you are lonely at night, and want to drown out your thoughts…That’s the show.

when your grandkids are visiting and you’re sick of playing with them…That’s the show.

When you are 90 years old and stuck in bed..That’s the show.

Tell me now. Do not hesitate.

Write in your answer on the line _________________

 

Thank you. What is MY show?

The Office (US)

Runner up: Seinfeld.

Have a good day.

Sincerely

julie

21 years

I’ve had a 21 year long relationship. The past few years of my relationship have been tricky. You see, the first ten years were pretty great, ESPECIALLY the first 4 years. Oh boy, I was in quite the infatuation phase. I was young, and my parents worried about my obsessive relationship. ‘Don’t you have anything better to do? Why don’t you get some friends?’

Why did I need friends? I had my relationship. That was all I needed.

Besides, no one else understood me like my relationship understood me. No one else.

I remember the sadness I felt in 1993 when a neighborhood kid announced the existence of my future relationship. I knew my relationship would soon exist, but I would need to wait a few more years before my relationship became available to me. This was simply the price I had to pay, being born at that particular time in history. Later, my relationship would be available to anyone, at any time, whenever..

And that is probably how my relationship changed so much, for the worst.

Sometime around 2010, my relationship changed, a lot. My relationship became available 24/7 to anyone, and started to become obsessed with clickbait and selfies. Who was this relationship? Surely, this was not the relationship I fell in love with back in the 90s. What happened to the years of learning HTML, being so sad when dial-up went down, and being called a weirdo loser because I spent so much time with my relationship?

What gave everyone the right to take my relationship and CHANGE my relationship?

Such is life, I suppose. My relationship is poly now. I am not so sure this relationship suits me anymore. Perhaps it is time to move on.

I hear the fax machine is single and ready to mingle. beeep beeep beeep.

 

Videotape

A videotape from a forgotten time period,

carried from place to place

years slip by,

the tape is stuck in time

technology continues to eat me up

the march of the future rapidly approaching

faster and faster

the tape is stuck in time

it’s not even rewound

what is ‘rewound’ and what is ‘rewind’

the tape is stuck in time

the camcorder is long gone, festering in a landfill

with your old electronics. piles and piles and piles

of electronics, lovingly refered to as shit

old, so old, so lame now, oh, so lame

the tape is stuck in time