unused muscle

I think my writing skills are starting to atrophy.

Every day I used to write a blog entry. Now I hardly ever feel like writing. My creativity has been sucked out of my head and thrown into the (often) overflowing dumpster at my apartment complex.

Well, it seems disgusting yet NECESSARY to reach into that dumpster and pull out my dusty, nearly defunct writing skills!

RIGHT????

My last entry in this unread blog was about my dad. A few weeks (or months?) ago I was thinking about my dad a lot. Not sure why- February has no significance in regard to his life. Maybe it’s just the never-ending Covid lifestyle making my brain cells more somber and reflective. Who knows. By the way, I’m so glad Covid-19 is nearing the end of it’s reign. What a year, huh? Anyway.

I last wrote about my dad and his love for Rush Limbaugh, the American shock jock right wing guy. You KNOW him. Then Rush died THE NEXT day after I wrote the blog.

Ok, it was just a weird coincidence, but still weird timing. Rush was very sick for years. Anyway, I’m not sure if that ‘weird coincidence’ just shifted my mind away from thinking about dad and the Limbaugh love. Who knows, does the human brain ever make sense?

So anyway, I don’t think I really want to go down the dark road of reminiscing about the past. I’m only going to do that if Netflix offers me $$$ to make a movie about my life story. It will be called Girl With Burning Eyeballs. It will be all about my formative teen years spent sitting alone on the internet for endless hours, eyes scorching from unblinking hours spent talking to strangers on message boards.

bye

Who would you be today?

I’m not sure how much impact parents really have on their kid’s eventual political beliefs. I mean, my dad used to blast Rush Limbaugh from our kitchen radio, but you won’t find me asking Alexa to play the ol’ Limbaugh on my smart speaker anytime soon!

Also, F smart speakers, but that’s a different rant….

OR IS IT? Dad, would you have actually OWNED a smart speaker? I’ll wait for your answer…

….

Ok, no response. Well, I don’t think you would. See, you were a techno-skeptic. I don’t think you would have morphed into a social media obsessed zombie over time. Who knows, though? I’m just basing this off my own life experience. I’ve felt techno-skeptical for awhile, even though I had a massive internet addiction from age 12-(ongoing?)

So based on this stuff, I’d say…

2020 version of you…

  1. Would have voted for Trump (WTF DAD?!)
  2. Begrudgingly own a smart phone (Facebook photo would be ten years old, I refuse to believe you would be one of those jerkos always retweeting garbage political posts and getting into fights with old classmates. NO! That wouldn’t be you! You would be a quite dignified social media user! THE CLASSIEST.)
  3. Still be married to my mom???? (If you two could survive though years of cancer crapola, why wouldn’t you be able to survive a few more…decades…of marriage?!)
  4. Have another career. but I honestly have no idea what it would be. This is one I need to think about. You hadn’t worked since I was 8 years old, and quite frankly, you were a terrible insurance salesman. I have inherited your gift of shyness, so I suppose I’d be terrible at sales too.

I just realized it’s not 2020, it’s 2021. The year 2020 was so immensely fucked, I feel like your birthday and deathday took a backseat to Covid-19 in my head. June 8, 1960-June 8 2020, 60th birthday. November 24th 2000-November 24th 2020- 20 years since passing away.

Man, so crazy. Time fucking flies. You might be wondering why I’m writing about you right now. am I grappling with my own mortality? That might sound absurd because I’m only 35 years old. I don’t think there is much chance of me dying at 40 like you did, but now I just creep closer and closer to that age. Life really flies by, yet feels so long.

Oh, and I have no idea what you would be watching on one of the 46654545645 streaming channels available today. Maybe you’d just watch Seinfeld re-runs or something. Nothin’ wrong with that!

OK enough for today. Next post, I will delve more into your potential careers.

What can I say

We have already passed the first scary realization point. I have lived longer without you than with you. The second scary realization point is approaching TOO quickly. I’ve almost lived longer than you got to live. Who would have thought 40 years would seem so young?

I’m not 40 yet. God, that age just freaks me out, yet it still seems so young. How did you only exist for 40 years, yet accomplish so many things? Have I accomplished anything?

I think about the things you could have done if you got to live longer. Maybe you would have lived long enough for a cure to your cancer. Maybe you would have a second career. There is plenty of time to start a new career when you’re 40. What would you have wanted to do?

I really do not know, and I’ll never know. You’re just stuck as a 40 year old forever.

Am I making this all about me? Why do I sit here and measure my age progression to yours? Is it my own fear of death?

I am certainly afraid of death, and I’m not AFRAID to admit it. Perhaps as I bound past the age of 40, I’ll lose that fear and accept the inevitable. Maybe not.

I do know one thing. No matter how old I might get, I’ll always think about you. Always 40..

Judy Roberts Speaks Out Against the Scamdemic of 2020

Good evening friends,

My name is Judy Roberts. I am a member of the FINEST GENERATION (NOT a millenial!)

First and foremost I am the mother of 5 darling children.- Rannie Bob Jr is the eldest at 25 1/2 years old. Judy Roberts Jr comes next. Sadly, I went through an unfortunate feminist phase in the late 80s and thought I should name a kid after myself. Sickening, I’m a woman, not a man!. Then come Betsy, Makilia, Rory and Horbert.

You might remember one of my children (Horbert) from my hard-hitting article ‘My Right to text is being taken away by the government’ written many moons ago, but NOTHING has changed in that regard! See: https://judyrobertsspeaksout.wordpress.com/2014/06/26/my-right-to-text-is-being-taken-away-by-the-government/

All of my amazing, beautiful children are Trump lovin’ kids. My son, Rannie Jr, claims he is not a Trump supporter, but I know he’s just in his rebellious ‘mid life crisis’ phase! I blame that monster OBAMA HUSSEIN O’BUMMER and his Obamacare for extending childhood to age 26! Imagine, a 26 year old on their parent’s health insurance? A real man pays for his own high deductible health care plan if you ask me!

Rannie Jr. also believes Covid-19 is a real thing. I mean, really?! I was so saddened when I looked at Rannie Jr’s Facebook and saw that he LIKED one of FAUXCI (Dr Fauci) Facebook posts. Immediately, I pulled over my car to type out a Facebook retort to my Silly Son. (Sickening that my state banned texting while driving, have they heard of a little thing called the FIRST AMENDMENT?)

My fingers furiously typed out a very astute message to my son:

Son, Dr. Fauxci is not to be trusted. Open Your Eyes. The pandemic was created, CREATED, and PLANNED. Tonight, I will tell you the truth, please be home by 6 PM. I have a roast in the crock pot. I hate when you get home at 7 PM and the roast gets dry. Sincerely, mom.

I pressed send, and instantly I felt much better.

Reader, I know you are a busy person, so I will give you a very abridged version of the TRUTH behind Covid-19. Please, sit. If you are driving while reading this, please, pull over.If you are reading this while watching your children, please, read this aloud. THEY MUST KNOW THE TRUTH.

Liberal Plandemic HOAX: The truth behind Covid-19

By Judy Roberts, true American.

The arts and crafts community is a well-known for being full of poor liberals trying to convince people to buy their weird paintings and oddly shaped hand-knit socks at farmer’s Markets. GROSS. Now, as a hardened Republican, I think farmer’s markets are simply breeding grounds for liberal thought (all those carrots in one location, piles and piles of phallic-shaped vegetables? Someone call up Freud!) However, I found myself at the local farmer’s market in late December 2019. My friend Shally Harmer sells homemade door knobs, and I really needed about 5 door knobs. I love to support American made products, so I felt conflicted going to the Liberal-Fest AKA Farmer’s Market. I put on my finest fake liberal outfit (a pair Birkenstocks and a John Kerry for president 2004 t-shirt I keep for such outings)

As I entered the market, I noticed a table full of oddly shaped face masks.

“Um, hello fellow farmer’s market patron, er, vendor!” I said, in my best impression of a liberal.

The vendor smiled and help up one of the face masks.

“Hi there, would you like to try on a face mask?”

Now, keep in mind, this event occured in late 2019, before Covid-19 was invented by the Illuminati and CNN.

“Ma’am, why are you selling face masks? As a fellow liberal, your secret is safe with me.” I pointed to my faded T-shirt of John Kerry’s face, then pointed to my birkenstocks, and pulled out a fake business card I made up. It said: Judy Roberts, CEO of Social Justice Warriorland, Inc.

The vendor nodded, and leaned in to whisper to me.

“You see, there will be a massive global pandemic very soon. The arts and crafts community is not as un-scientific as people think. Oh, they think, those silly arts people! They can’t do aaaanything except draw silly things! They don’t know MATH or SCIENCE! HA!”

“Hey, uh, I really just came here for some new door knobs, so can you hurry this wacky story up? Uh, fellow liberal!” I said, as I eyed the table of freshly made door knobs close by.

She grabbed all of the face masks and laughed maniacally.

“The arts and crafts community spent years creating a virus in a lab, a virus so disgustingly viral it will require ALL of the WORLD to walk around wearing hand-made face masks. Finally, the Etsy creators and farmers market vendors of the WORLD will become millionaires. The world will NEED us for survival. WE WILL RULE THE WORLD!” She laughed so loud that a bunch of hand-knit masks flew away in a gust of wind.

I was so scared that I literally ran away to my car, sans door knobs, and drove right into the safe arms of Wal-mart.

“Good old Wal-mart door knobs. Who needs wacky hand-made crap? Eesh… What a wacky day!”

I didn’t give that wacky day another thought until March 2020, when the world was shut down due to Covid…

…And I KNEW the real reason, but when I googled “Weird Farmer’ Market Mask Lady” nothing came up. Fine, Google, CENSOR THE TRUTH! Go right ahead!

Friends, this whole pandemic is FAKE. It was CREATED by those zany artsy people just so they can sell handmade masks. They’re all sitting at home, watchin’ their checking accounts fill to the brim with upwards of $20-$30 per day from their masks sales, while you walk around in a silly mask.

BELIEVE. NOTHING. THEY. TELL. YOU. (By they, I mean everyone except me and the fine folks who comment on conspiracy theory videos on youtube.)

Bye for now, friends.

oh NO!

Yesterday I found out some VERY alarming news. My social security number has been cancelled! CANCELLED!

The social security administration called me early yesterday morning. At first, I thought it was just a spam called because their phone number looked very similar to my number. I’ve heard spammers will try to spoof their number to look like yours so you’ll answer, so I was totally skeptical! However, I picked up the phone. Thank God I did. It was the social security administration.

“Hello?”

Robo voice: “This is the social security administration, we are calling because your number has been cancelled. If you want to talk to a representative, press 1.”

Of course I pressed 1 immediately. If my social security benefits are cancelled, how can I retire in the year 2070? And this just sounds so serious! I trusted this call 100%.

I pressed 1, and a rep answered immediately.

“socialsecurityblahblah” He mumbled quickly.

“Hi, I just got a call.” I said

“What was the call about?” He asked.

WTF? I thought. YOU called ME about my social security being cancelled!

“I got a call about my social security benefits being cancelled!” I said, sounding QUITE SCARED

He perked up. “Oh yes, can you confirm you address, is it :tells me my address:”

“Yes, but can you just let me know which phone number you have on file?”

He reads off my phone number.

“Good, now you know my number and you can stop calling me.”

Guy scoffs. “Sure.” Hangs up.

Fuck you scammers!!!!!! P.S. don’t cancel my social security benefits.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

#lifetoday

Presently, I’m #outraged

Did you see what that person said on that story?

I’m trending towards #disbelief

Who do these people think they are? They’ll about to get a dose of reality, from ME

#where is the dislike button! How desperately we need it!

So and so said so and so. Did you see that? Don’t they know any better

#tiktok will hear about this

I cannot take it any longer, this world is out of control! My fingers will do the talking

#You’re all disgusting!

I’ve had it! Enough! I’m out of here! I’m logging out!

#But I’ll be back in 10 more minutes

Horrible Covid habits

I have fallen back into some wretched habits.

Here is a list of pre-Covid habits:

  • Do not bring laptop into bed
  • Read a paperback book before bed
  • Take a walk around the office building every day
  • Join garden club at work and go every Tuesday
  • Do not use Facebook at all
  • Do not use Twitter at all
  • Reddit use must be kept to a minimum (check it on weekends)
  • Shop at the thrift store for books, shirts, kitchen stuff, etc (I still felt weird buying used pants….)

Was I strict on myself? Nah. I just set up some rules for myself to follow based on my past behavior. I wanted to optimize my life, so I booted certain things from my orbit. Sometimes I failed. Obviously rules are bent at times. I considered myself a ‘success’ if I followed these rules 80% of the time.

Post covid? Oh dear.

Here is a list of post covid habits:

 

  • Laptop now comes into bed. The antics of the Cheers gang on Netflix lull my  pandemic-weary mind to sleep.
  • Paperback book? For months, the library was closed and I read books on an Ipad. My eyes are still burning from the hours of staring at a brightly lit screen at night. My melatonin is hesitant to return to normal. It thinks I am going to bust out the Ipad again. ‘You SWORE you wouldn’t stare at screens before bed, you SWORE!” Sorry, melatonin…
  • Take a walk around the office building? What office building? The office has been closed since March!
  • Alas, the garden club is on hiatus. We do not know when we will return to work. I really do miss the garden club most of all.
  • Facebook has crept back into my life. I don’t USE it in the ‘traditional’ sense, but I have started checking local restaurants FB pages to check if they’re closed down forever due to Covid…And I’ve used it to check if the library will ever open again…And fun fun things like that!
  • I’ve stayed off Twitter. I find it rather dull. Celebrities tweets don’t interest me. Usually I wind up loathing the celebrity after I read their tweets, and I don’t WANT to loathe some of my favorite actors and comedians. I chose to remain ignorant of their actual personality! LOL
  • Reddit has set up shop in my internet house… I spend a lot of time on there now. The 2018 version of me would not be happy about that.
  • The local thrift store was closed from March-last week, so no, I hadn’t done any thrift shopping. In fact I’ve barely purchased any new clothes so far. I’m just wearing all of the same clothes from last summer. ha.

 

Anyway, I have missed writing. This blog  needs some freshening up. Bye for now, zero readers

julie ‘old enough to remember Napster’ Lastnamewithheld

 

 

 

Why do you disappear..

I hate when WordPress writers disappear.

Where did you go?

Are you lurking?

Are you coming back?

Who were you really?

Does it matter?

I miss your blog. I miss your writing style. I miss loading up my WordPress feed and scrolling for your posts. The choice is endless today. Endless TV shows. Endless blogs. Endless Instagram hashtags to flick through. Endless weird-ass Kid Youtube shows of kids opening up toys and receiving 500000000 dollars per week in Youtube revenue..

Endless choices, and yet, I always looked for YOUR blog.

But now you’re gone. I don’t know if you’ll be back.

And now I’m back to the world of the endless.

I don’t like this blog name anymore.

I used to like my blog name.

Elderly millenial. HA! So funny. I’m a millenial, but I’m OLD. I mean, I remember dial-up! How can I be a millenial!?

But the joke has worn off. I need a new blog name.

Back in the early internet.com days, I used the name Fuzzbucket1. Or Expressionhorse. But I’m an old millenial now! I’m sophisticated and worldly! I need a sophisticated, worldly blog name!

Or do I?

Is the return of Fuzzbucket1 upon …..my blog?

 

We’ll see.

Streaming anxiety

I have streaming content anxiety.

How do I pick? How do I choose? What should I WATCH?

The Roku screen lights up. My eyes dart from app to app.

Netflix?

Hulu?

Amazon?

Vudu? What even IS that?

The Roku CHANNEL? There’s a CHANNEL?!

When faced with too many choices, it is much easier to make no choice at all, or just pick the familiar choice.

Netflix, here I come.

Okay, why is a trailer already playing at the top of the screen?! I didn’t CLICK anything! Ah, I better click away so the trailer stops! Okay, it stopped.

WAIT, now ANOTHER trailer is playing! Stop! Stop playing this trailer from some Netflix original! Another Netflix original! I can’t keep up! I can’t watch ALL of these movies and TV shows, can I?

Hmm, let me scroll down a bit. What are these categories? Netflix has created so many categories for me! Cerebral slapstick femme fatale movies? What? How did Netflix come up with that category? What kind of algorithm created that? eh, let me keep scrolling.

Oscar award winning movies based on true crime stories from the Northwest in the year 1971? That is VERY specific, Netflix. I dont even LIKE true crime, but I did talk about a true crime case in my house yesterday with my friend..

…Netflix, are you LISTENING to my conversations? UGH, of course. But it’s okay. You offer me such wonderful entertaining for so CHEAP! I can forgive you! what would I DO without you? How did I LIVE before you? Okay, keep scrolling.

Ah, good ol ‘Recommended for you’ category. Wait, why are you recommending more true crime, Netflix? I told you, I don’t like true crime. Do you even know me?

And what’s THIS category? It’s called Netflix Originals You Will Love.

Why are you pushing Netflix originals on me, and why do you think I’ll love them?

You know what, Netflix? Stop it. Just. Stop. You offer me nothing but endless options. I am, quite frankly, OVERWHELMED by you. Just back OFF, will you? WILL YOU? NO, stop playing that trailer! Stop it! Stop pressuring me to watch everything!

I’m out of here! I’m done with you, Netflix!

Vudu, here I come. I need a change, Vudu. I need a big change. Don’t disappoint me.

 

…Wait, you have ADS? UGH!….

I wonder if Netflix will take me back…